Sarah & Karrie this one's for you!
I freaked out. Really freaked out. It happens I suppose, but not too often to me. The crazy thing is I didn't even see it coming. Maybe it was the spicy curry chicken or the tastiness of the imperial rolls, but yesterday over lunch with two of my best Success Squad gals, I freaked!
Lunch was going great. Sarah was talking about leaving her day job to pursue her photography career full time. Karrie was reporting on VideoKard and her excitement about upcoming projects. I was talking about Mom drama and breaking down the ridiculous rules of playground etiquette, when I started to sweat. It was like all my fears came bubbling up in that moment. My bottom line, making $$, writing, blogging, Etsy, wholesale, Craft Fairs, and then preschool, the car, the house, and wanting to have it all figured out at once. Poor Sarah & Karrie. There I was mouth full of Vietnamese food in full meltdown mode. The ladies went to work quickly prompting me with questions and ideas. Thanks Sarah & Karrie. I really needed to be reigned in.
What I'm left with today is a bit of a mystery. I have a clear plan. I know what I need to do to take my business to the next level. It's all right there in front of me. So what's the problem? Why freak out? To review, I think I served myself up a nice cocktail. One part fear, one part impatience, and three parts happiness, and I was drunk.
The fear, that's pretty straightforward. All of us out here in the small business world carry fear. Fear that we won't succeed. Fear that we will end up going back to the day job. Fear that no matter what we do, there is a magical force out there standing in our way. The impatience, well that's just me being a spoiled brat. I want what I want and I want it now. Well, more like yesterday! I get inspired, create a plan, start working on that plan and want to move forward way too quickly. It's not that I give up and want to switch gears, it's more like my enthusiasm out runs the rest of the worlds time clock. I'm already prepped for the next step, but building a business is BUILDING a business. If it was waving a magic wand and poof a business appeared, I'd be all set!
The happiness part seems curious, right? Why would happiness make anyone freak out? Well, when your happy you want to stay happy. I think a huge part of my freak out was about wanting to stay happy. To say I love what I do would be a gross understatement. I LOVE what I do. Zelma Rose, Wed & Roses, Awfully Grand, blogging, Etsy, craft fairs, wholesale, all of it! I feel more comfortable with my work right now than I have ever felt professionally. I'm more comfortable in my own shoes than I have ever been personally. I have found my people, gotten my groove, and been able to pursue something that I am absolutely passionate about. And I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE IT UP. No one is telling me I need to, or have to, but somehow the fear persists. Sarah & Karrie kept asking me why. What was I so scared of? My answer was going back. Going back to doing something that was not a good fit for me, no matter how good I was at it. Going back to feeling dissatisfied, uncomfortable and like I was wearing shoes that didn't fit. The meat of my meltdown was really this: Somewhere along the way I started running away instead of running toward. There is a difference. And for me the difference is huge. My intent shifted. I'm not sure when, or why, but it did and it is time to shift it back.
So no more talk of what I have to lose. As Sarah reminded me, when we started on this journey together we both felt strongly that we had nothing to lose. And I don't. I'm not in the process of leaving my day job. I already did. I'm not in the process of starting business, I already did. I'm doing it. Running the show, making the decisions, and rewriting the rules. There is no glass ceiling, no one is standing in my way but myself. It's time to get my ass out of my way.
With every good freak out and meltdown comes a turning point. Thanks to Sarah & Karrie, I was able to find mine rather quickly. Before we had finished lunch in fact! Here's my promise to myself. Run toward, not away. Go ahead and worry, who cares? And when it gets in my way, knock it down with a great fury. Make my plan public and put it out there into the universe.
Here's that plan universe:
1. Nail Etsy
2. Bring in more Wholesale accounts.
3. Work on new designs.
4. Network with other small businesses.
5. Go Bridal & go big.
6. Put a name and a face to this consulting idea that has been marinating for a while.
7. Build my customer base.
8. Tell people what I need to do my job.
Whew. Freak out officially over. I'm moving on. Moving toward. Going forward.